You Know You're In A Movie If...

...after clinging to a helicopter skid while it flies over the city at top speed, then dropping into a muddy and polluted waterway and swimming to shore, your hair still looks good.

...you walk into a crowded bar and see a beautiful woman sitting by herself.

...after committing a crime and successfully avoiding capture, you switch on a television set and 1) it is already set to the channel you wanted to see, 2) the local news is on, and 3) the next news item is about you.

...you get thrown through a window and then get up without bleeding at all.

...you suddenly get the urge to sing in a public place, and when you begin, 1) appropriate musical accompaniment immediately springs up out from no visible source, 2) complete strangers not only know all the lyrics and sing complex vocal harmonies with no previous rehearsal, but 3) they do so while executing flawlessly choreographed dance numbers.

...Any vehicle you approach during an emergency 1) is unlocked, 2) has a set of keys either in the ignition or on the sun visor, 3) starts at the first turn of the key, and 4) needs no warming up before you leave at full speed.

...any firearm you grab 1) is loaded, 2) has the safety switch on "fire," 3) has no recoil, and 4) never runs out of bullets.

...despite having no prior experience in that area, you throw a knife at someone who is running away from you, and 1) you don't miss, 2) it not only strikes blade-first, but actually embeds itself in your target's flesh, and 3) hits your target precisely in a lethal spot (and not in the buttocks, shoulder, legs, etc.).

...despite no prior experience, you are able to free yourself from handcuffs behind your back by using any small piece of metal which happens to be lying nearby.

...no computer around you has any operating system, web browser, or e-mail software you have ever seen before.

...you are able to tear a sheet of paper neatly in half with no zig-zagging, or are able to rip sheets, clothing, or any cloth item at the first try by simply pulling it in opposite directions with your hands.

...you turn off the lights in your bedroom and still have enough lighting to read the fine print on your dvd warranty.

More on this as it comes to me,

------E